


Don’t Give Me Love, I’ve Had My Share

by OnlyOneWoman



Series: A Simple Man [12]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Canon has more or less committed suicide by now, Caretaking, Denial of Feelings, Drinking & Talking, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fear of Needing Someone, Fear of love, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mary Read is blunt and wants to be tough, Matelots, Not Canon Compliant, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Pirates are bad at feelings, Pirates being human, Secrets, Silver needs a friend, The men beneath the monsters, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Worry, and i regret nothing, fear of weakness, like really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 20:09:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21463840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyOneWoman/pseuds/OnlyOneWoman
Summary: Aaaand, apparantly this story decided it needed more Read POV and Silver POV and I have no idea how this happened, but the sly quartermaster and the suspicious girl are more or less bonding over drinks in the house where Billy tries to nurse Ned back to health.Title stolen from Nightwish's "The Crow, The Owl And The Dove" and this turned out quite more depressing than I intended to. Fucking pirates, man, I swear... I don't even blame you this time, dear E_A_Phoenix, but it's still for you <3https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Upt8_tPYIl0
Relationships: Anne Bonny/Mary Read (implied), Billy Bones/Edward "Ned" Low, Muldoon/John Silver
Series: A Simple Man [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1530410
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Don’t Give Me Love, I’ve Had My Share

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rising_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rising_Phoenix/gifts).

**John Silver**  
Billy doesn’t understand him, nothing new with that, but for the first times since lying his way to the Walrus galley, John is starting to think there’s something with the usually so simple first mate that is quite difficult to grasp even for him. While the politics and commerce of Nassau’s nascent civilization are entertwined with the raids and the matelotages, the churchbells ringing along the sound of men and women too fond of their freedom to let it go by frail promises of peace and prosperity, John is watching another kind of dawn, one that is difficult even to the kind of men he’s a part of now, to figure out.  
  
He’s a creature of the night himself, that’s where he learned to walk, to watch and listen. That’s what makes him different from men like Billy and even Flint and Captain Low. Not to mention Muldoon…  
  
John doesn’t. Mention Muldoon, that is, and neither does he set his anger onto Vane, who’s late quartermaster made him an invalid. It’s pointless and John has no illusions about his own worth in this world. He’s a survivor, thanks to his silver tongue and the only one to peek underneath the words to find something more, is Muldoon.  
  
The Captain is as illusive as ever, his constant anger so normal John would probably miss it would it disappear. It’s probably bad behavior for a quartermaster, but as of late, John has prefered to visit Billy and his bedridden lover in their hideout rather than remaining with the crew. Low is awake more now, but the light hurts his eyes too much and so John only ever sees him blindfolded. How Low sees him, is no way of knowing and John gets a breather from the dead, green stare of the Captain, who seems so wrapped up in his feelings, he’s lost all sense of others’.  
  
John watches Billy feeding Ned soup, or trying to. It goes slowly and the Captain is not very cooperative, but Billy neither coddles nor forces his wayward lover. He’s patient and stern, much like he is with the crew when they’re idiots up to a point where they’re truly too stupid and stubborn to listen to reason.  
  
“I’m not bloody hungry.”  
“I’m aware. Now, open your mouth, idiot.”  
“God, why did I stan’ in tha’ alley…”  
“You sat. On the bloody wall.”  
“Dinnae! I stood! An’ jus’ look where tha’ took me…”  
  
Billy kisses Ned’s hair then and somehow, it’s enough to soothe the anger a bit. It shouldn’t remind of Muldoon, but it does and John misses him, not primarly for the sex, but for just this kind of rough comfort, the simplicity the gunner seemed to share with Billy and the way he could make Silver laugh. Simple men, and not in a demeaning way. But Muldoon has been occupied with duties of late and their time together has been sparse to say the least.  
  
John envies them, envies his own lover’s easiness with care, how Muldoon gives it without reluctance or shame, how Billy tends to his frustrated matelot in a similar manner without getting intimidated. Like big dogs patiently wating for the hissing kitten to wear itself out. Muldoon has a temper, sure, but he suffers no bullshit and John loves him for it. Not that he’ll likely to tell him.  
  
This hellish stump means John can no longer escape and the unshakable Billy Bones has left his post to tend to a broken man so despicable that Captain Flint looks like a saint in comparison. And John accepts the duty of staying ashore, not to spare his leg, but to keep an eye on the lovesick first mate. No one, not even Flint and certainly not Billy, deprive him of that illusion.  
  
**Mary Read**  
“Isn’t it… difficult to be a quartermaster when you’re a cripple?”  
“It’s only my leg that’s crippled, girl. Not my mind.”  
“Be careful, Read. He’s got a silver tongue and the mind of a snake.”  
“And I hear the watch dog still has more bark than bite. You should go for a walk, Billy.”  
“Ned needs me.”  
“Wha’ I need is for ye all to let me bloody sleep! Jesus Christ, Flint has probably sent ye here to get himself some peace an’ quiet. S’like listening to drunken laundresses!”  
  
Billy Bones and Mr. Silver both go quiet from the growl and Mary fails to hide a smile. The man with the peg leg looks at her.  
  
“Think I have a bottle of French wine in my saddle bag, Read. How about a night cap under the moon?”  
  
The giant huffs and despite the blindfold, Mary could swear the one-eyed Captain is rolling his eyes as well. They want to be alone though, and Mary certainly doesn’t say no to a drink. She nods and gets up, hearing the dull thump of Mr. Silver’s iron boot as he follows her.  
  
He lets her dig out the bottle but not to help him. He doesn’t say it, but his entire posture is a warning. Mary has no difficulties to read that, she has her own means to make people keep their distance and it’s strange to be among so many men who seem completely unbothered by her gender – or interested in taking advantage of it. Considering how many of them that openly take interest in other men, _Mark_ should be just an easy prey as Mary, but the men caring for Captain Low haven’t cornered her. Yet.  
  
“You do not have to keep an eye on me, Read, although I don’t blame you for doing it.”  
  
She glares at him.  
  
“I’m not keeping an eye on you, sir. I’m here for my Captain, not you!”  
  
He sits down on the grass, not really looking at her, but somehow she’s still being seen and she’s not comfortable with that.  
  
“I did not imply you were here for my sake, Read. You’re looking out for your Captain by keeping an eye on me, and I’m trying to tell you, that I’m not a threat. Not to you, nor to him.”  
“You think I’m scared of you, Mr. Silver?”  
  
Now he laughs. A dark, joyless chuckle and he looks at her with eyes both too old and too young for the face carrying them.  
  
“I don’t think you’re scared of _any _man, Read. _That’s_ what makes you different in Nassau, not what’s missing or not between your legs.”  
“Men are fucking weak.”  
“I can only agree. And still you want to be one.”  
“I am what I need to be, Mr. Silver.”  
  
He raises his cup, a small smile that almost reaches his eyes glimmering.  
  
“Then we’re more alike than you know, Read.”  
  
**John Silver**  
It took time, that bond growing between him and Muldoon, and while John isn’t letting the gunner too close, it’s still making his heart heavy if they’re apart for too long. And between Billy’s broken heart and Flint’s black hole in the place of one, talking to Read turns out to be quite amusing. She’s crass, young and hasn’t learned to hide her softness as well yet, but she’s no fool, just not as used to the world as she wants to seem.  
  
With time, she’ll probably master it better than most, if she gets to live. She’s clearly fond of her Captain, for some reason, enough so to set a rescue in motion by going to Anne Bonny and that makes Silver curious.  
  
“Billy is very grateful, you know. For what you did.”  
  
She shrugs, it’s a very boyish gesture, hopelessly young and she frowns.  
  
“Mr. Low is my Captain.”  
“I’ve sailed under plenty of Captains, Read, and I’d never even risk an hour of sleep for their sake, let alone precious time and effort.”  
“I’m not his… _boy_, Mr. Silver.”  
“Clearly not. By the look of it, it seems like the good Captain prefers giant men, not little girls. And forgive my bluntness, but you don’t strike me as the type of girl, or boy, who cares much about men.”  
  
For a moment, there’s a girl, a young, scared one peeking through and John raises his hand.  
  
“I wasn’t trying to insult you, Read. For all the women of power on this island, the three most famous ones all prefer the company of women instead of men and considering the sad creeps with dicks spilling into this place with the tide, who can blame them. _I_ certainly don’t. And no one on this island, is as deadly as Anne Bonny.”  
  
The blush, the way she swallows hard says it all. John isn’t entirely sure, of course, but he’s usually very good with this and this young girl knows the infamous Anne Bonny a little closer than she intended to show. John isn’t at all surprised.  
  
Read isn’t ready to talk about that though, and she takes a sip from the bottle, throwing a rather unimpressed eye at John.  
  
“I’m not abandoning my Captain, Mr. Silver.”  
“No, you’re not. That’s pretty clear by now. Would you care to tell me why you care for him? The alleged monster.”  
“He’s not a monster!”  
“Good Lord, they can hear you all over the island, Read! I said_ alleged_, you hotheaded girl. What do you think I’m referred to as when the name Long John Silver is whispered down the tavern? A sweet mermaid, or a luring siren?”  
  
At last, the girl shines through, the youth and the innocence that’s clearly still there in some way and and she grins.  
  
“Maybe tail and fins would suit you, Mr. Silver. You already have the curly hair.”  
“Oh, you should hear my singing voice…”  
“The way you say it, makes me think I’d rather not.”  
“Wait and see, girl… Wait and see…”  
  
**Mary Read**  
“Did… uhm, did we wake him up, Mr. Bones?”  
“Only three times, Read.”  
“An’ I’m still awake…”  
  
Mary’s cheeks are heated from the spirits and Silver’s jokes – she’s not laughed this much in a long time and it’s with rather unsteady feet she’s stumbling back into the house, followed by the one legged quartermaster who’s clearly had a few sips too many as well.  
  
“Excuse me, gentlemen, but have you seen my companion? He promised more rum… And a kiss!”  
“And I’ll promise you to kiss the gunner’s daughter if you don’t shut up, Silver.”  
  
Silver looks mockery shocked at the giant.  
  
“Muldoon has a _daughter_?”  
  
Billy Bones groans at the bad joke and Mary feels slightly bad for being loud.  
  
“Sorry, Captain Low, sorry Mr. Bones. I’ll… uhm… head back to…”  
“There’s a bed in the other room, as you know. Silver, just be useful for once in your life and clean up the mess.”  
“Mess?”  
“Help Read to bed, you little shit!”  
“Oh, we’re back to the name calling, are we? Well, come with me, Read, and we’ll find a bed… somewhere, I think…”  
  
The one-legged pirate isn’t much of a support, but with united efforts, they manage to get to the bed without too much noise and Silver just drops down like a heavy sack and Mary follows suit. She’s not as drunk as the quartermaster and carefully makes sure there’s space between them on the bed. She has bad experiences from falling asleep too close to mates.  
  
A curl has fallen across the man’s face and it’s annoying, so Read strokes it away. Silver smiles, but doesn’t open his eyes.  
  
“Long John Silver…”  
“Hmm?”  
“How did you get that name?”  
“Billy’s idea of a joke. It strikes fear into people…”  
“Why?”  
  
The quartermaster looks up now.  
  
“People like stories, especially a good one. Mostly, it’s way more important what people believe than what’s true.”  
“So… you’re a one-legged devil, my Captain is a monster, Captain Flint is a… greedy demon and…”  
“And you’re far too smart for Nassau’s own good. Gotta… keep you miles away from… Max and Eleanor…”  
“Who’s Max?”  
“Once a whore, now she’s the actual ruler here, alongside Eleanor. Max, Eleanor, Bonny… Christ, those are the names people ought to whisper with fear… Although I take it you had a rather pleasant meeting with Anne Bonny…”  
  
He smiles, the half-closed eyes teasing, but before Mary can come up with an answer, the quartermaster has fallen asleep. The world is spinning a bit, that’s one of the more annoying parts of being a girl dressed as a man: that you can’t keep up with the men’s drinking without either risking exposure or simply getting poisoned.  
  
_Anne Bonny._  
  
Mary stares up the ceiling, listening to the snores from the quartermaster and the wind outside. Silver is wrong, the meeting wasn’t pleasant and Mary carefully slides a hand beneath her legs. Even with the all but immediate care from Captain Low, who did more than just cutting the attacker down and preventing a child to form, she’s still sore and she doesn’t find touching herself pleasant anymore.  
  
_If you wanted to talk to me, you didn’t need to try and seduce me, girl._  
  
The memory of the feral pirate woman makes Mary’s belly warm though. Her wicked fingers, the growl in her voice but also her kindness. She’s a woman, one who understood Mary’s predicament immediately and didn’t judge, didn’t look at her like she was weak. Being around men all the time, has given Mary plenty of insights in just how little gender matters when it comes to who’s weak or strong.  
  
The pirate society is beautiful in that way, despite the brutality. The number of people who’d be seen as useless, weak, too injured or just too strange to be considered anything but damaged goods, villains or devils back in England, but in fact are names of great importance and respect here, is just baffling. That’s what’s truly alluring with this place, Mary thinks. That’s the one thing she might have in common with the people here, even with men like John Silver and Billy Bones. It makes her, oddly enough, one of them.  
  
**John Silver**  
Knowing about weakness, but not being able to put it into words out of fear of how the listener might take advantage, is something that’s been following John like a shadow, a silent and invisible companion through life.  
  
He’s listening to Read’s soft snores as the dawn comes closer. He’s always been a light sleeper, unless he’s sharing beds with Muldoon, of course. John watches the still hesistant light through the shutters and the silence from the other room is soothing. Low’s nightmares are like hearing the dead rise and John isn’t much of a caring person, but he genuinly hopes that Billy’s lover wont remember neither the dreams nor the way they make him cry and scream. That they both can have a sliver of peace before the sun rises.  
  
No one seems to know who took him or why, but the injuries are of the kind that speaks about revenge, no, hatred, and it’s chilling to say the least, that whoever did this, clearly intended on keeping Low alive to suffer more. To humiliate him and the ultimate way of doing that, seems to be rape.  
  
They’re not saying the word, of course. All three of them, Billy, John and Read, don’t mention it at all, but it’s painfully clear how fast they all knew. John knows little about Billy’s past, only that he was pressganged at a very early age and it doesn’t take a vivid imagination to understand how a young slave boy was treated during three years on a ship with grown men. Read’s almost wolflike defence of her Captain, the heated words of how he’s not a monster and the vigilant glances at John and the safe distance on the mattress, speak for themselves.  
  
John knows, because being a pretty young boy with curly hair had its perks, but also its downsides and there are parts of the story about Solomon Little that it’s better to forget, or at least leave be in the dark corners where they belong.  
  
Read starts turning on the bed and she comes close, too close perhaps, but she’s still sleeping heavily and John welcomes the feeling of her body because it brings the illusion that he’s not so alone. At the same time, he _really_ doesn’t want his body to react like it’s Muldoon laying beside him. The bed is crowded, yet empty, and the absent gunner is aching like the stump and John’s right hip.  
  
He turns around, slowly not to disturbe Read, but despite the snoring, she’s also a light sleeper and a little grunt and a little too violent elbow tells John she’s not pleased with being disturbed.  
  
“Stop… worming around…”  
  
She’s slurring and the annoyance reminds so much of Muldoon John wants to curse his body for betraying him, one limb at the time.  
  
“Read, I’m not…”  
“Jesus, you think I don’t know how… _dicks_ work, jus’ because I don’t want’em_ in_ me?”  
  
The blunt, sleepish response is as dark as it’s funny and suddenly, the little woman who looks like a boy, worms herself closer, more or less placing her narrow behind onto John’s hips and almost angrily forces his arm around her.  
  
John is momentarily stunned and he swallows.  
  
“What are you doing, girl?”  
“Trying to sleep, Mr. Silver. You don’t wanna fuck me, right?”  
“No, but…”  
“And you’re too drunk to perform and if you try anything, I know exactly what to do with… that stump of yours…”  
  
The threat is serious, no doubt, and John isn’t stupid. He’d not stand a chance against Read while being drunk and without his peg and she knows it. John chuckles.  
  
“I don’t doubt that for a second, Read. Now, for the love of God, don’t loose your stomach all over me in sleep.”  
“Don’t worry, _old man_. I’ll let you have your precious sleep.”  
  
Before John can laugh at her again, Read is snoring. It sounds like Muldoon and John is fairly certain he doesn’t feel for the gunner anyway close to that force of nature that pulls Billy to Ned, but John doesn’t want love. He just wants the grumpy gunner, he doesn’t _need_ him.  
  
And as he’s done since Muldoon left with Flint and the crew to hunt the next prize, this time without their first mate and quartermaster, with DeGroot, Rackham and Bonny filling their spots – Vane probably lying drunk out of his ass somewhere after their recent hunt – John awaits the moment when he can lay the quartermaster and the legend, the storyteller and mate away, and tell the calico fabrics of the old pillow, once again, not a story but the wet, salty truth of the love he never wanted. 


End file.
